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Are chatbot interactions encouraging rudeness?
Parents editor at HuffPost UK
Much has been said in the past about how kids could become ruder because of the prevalence of voice assistants (Alexa, Siri and co) in households.
Now, a new variation of this concern is rearing its head.
From the conversations psychologist Dr Matthew Leahy, of the Momentous Institute, has been having with parents and teachers, it’s emerging that some kids are increasingly becoming rude, demanding and harsh when talking to AI chatbots, he claimed.
In some cases, this is then trickling into real-life interactions.
“Parents tell me their kids are becoming more demanding or abrupt at home after spending a lot of time chatting with AI,” he told HuffPost UK.
“Teachers have mentioned hearing students use more command-like language with classmates and even adults.”
Chatbots are more popular than ever. Research from Vodafone found 81% of children aged 11-16 say they use AI chatbots, while almost one in five (19% of) teens are – or know someone who is – in a romantic relationship with one.
Yet, childhood and adolescence are critical times when kids are learning about how to communicate, manage frustration, and navigate relationships.
And as young people lean on this novel technology more and more, Dr Leahy said he’s noticed fewer greetings, fewer “pleases” and “thank yous”, and a trend for more direct, transactional communication.
“It’s not necessarily dramatic yet, but it’s enough that many of us are noticing a shift,” he added.
This issue is something Lee Chambers, the founder of Male Allies, is monitoring in his work speaking to 1,000 school-age boys about their use of AI.
He told me there a few concerns here. The first is that the more kids are conversing with AI chatbots, the less time they’re spending building real-life connections.
On top of that, these chatbots are, by default, submissive and reassuring, so people keep using them.
“On top of this you can create your perfect ‘person’, moulding not only how they look but how they respond to you, how they treat you and you can start and stop the relationship on a whim,” he added.
“This isn’t real life – and these instant gratification behaviours seeping into real life will have consequences.”
“Every interaction is practice,” the psychologist continued. “If a young person gets used to expressing frustration by snapping, demanding, or being downright mean, even with a chatbot, they’re rehearsing a communication style that can become more automatic over time.
“We don’t have enough research yet to say how widespread this is, but it’s something I’m paying close attention to because I’m hearing it often enough from families and educators.”
While AI might tolerate rudeness; family members, friends and (one day in the future) colleagues or employers will not.
AI chatbots don’t get offended, require empathy or ask us to repair the relationship if we’re rude – whereas real people do.
“When people don’t respond in the same way [as chatbots], when they challenge, reject or ignore, it can cause upset or anger – but ultimately, it’s creating isolation,” Chambers said.
“One boy I spoke to spoke of his friend walking around like a demigod due to his AI girlfriend.”
Dr Leahy pointed out that children also learn through consequences. “If they are disrespectful to a friend, sibling, parent, or teacher, there are usually natural social consequences,” he said.
“Someone may feel hurt, set a boundary, or expect an apology. With AI, those consequences are largely absent.”
Perhaps one glimmer of hope is that a 2025 study on children’s interactions with voice assistants like Alexa found their politeness “remained steady over time” and, overall, the tendency to abuse voice assistants was low.
It led researchers to conclude that “the present findings do not suggest that interaction with VAs [voice assistants] negatively impacts communication behaviour in the long term”.
Whether or not the same pattern will be seen for young users of AI chatbots, the jury’s out.
Dr Leahy has urged parents to “stay curious rather than critical” when talking to their kids about their use of AI. Chambers agrees, saying teens need “real-life connection and conversation”.
“If you read a chat log or hear your child barking orders at a chatbot or speaking disrespectfully, it’s a great opportunity to ask, ‘Would you talk to your teacher or your best friend that way?’,” Dr Leahy continued.
“That simple question helps kids connect the dots between how they communicate online and who they want to be in the real world.”
It can also be helpful to explain that kindness isn’t only about the person – or chatbot – on the receiving end, it’s “also about the kind of habits we’re building in ourselves”.
His last snippet of advice is to make sure AI doesn’t crowd out real life.
“Kids still need family conversations around the dinner table, team sports, outdoor adventures, volunteering, camps, and time with friends,” he said.
“Those are the experiences where they learn to read facial expressions, work through conflict, apologise, and build meaningful relationships. AI can answer questions, but it can’t replace the human experiences that shape character.”
