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“The technologies are developing super-fast, faster than we can keep up with as scientists…”
Parents editor at HuffPost UK
There’s a surprising statistic I came across yesterday that almost one in five (19% of) teens are – or know someone who is – in a romantic relationship with an artificial intelligence (AI) chatbot.
The data came from the US-based Center for Democracy and Technology. And the picture isn’t so dissimilar in the UK, either.
Earlier this year Male Allies UK caught up with over 1,000 boys aged 12-16 years old and revealed one in five boys knew of someone their age who was in a relationship with an AI chatbot.
The same survey found over half of boys (58%) thought AI relationships were easier because they could control the conversation, and over a third (36%) admitted they preferred speaking to AI chatbots over family and friends.
Yet as teens increasingly turn to AI for everything from advice to romance, researchers are raising concerns that the technology could impact how they learn to navigate human relationships – especially at such a pivotal point in their development.
Writing in The Lancet Child & Adolescent Health, researchers from Arizona State University said the technology offers immediate, nonjudgmental guidance and has potential to benefit emotional development.
But without safeguards and careful design, they warned that young people might be missing out on developing critical relationship skills through person-to-person interactions.
“The technologies are developing super-fast, faster than we can keep up with as scientists, faster than governance and policy can keep up with,” said Thao Ha, an associate professor in the Department of Psychology.
Adolescence is a crucial period for learning skills such as emotional regulation, conflict resolution and boundary setting. All typically developed through interactions with other people – not screens.
“People don’t realise that relational learning happens during the teenage years and that these moments of social connection are little building blocks that become bigger things that will benefit you throughout life,” Ha said.
“You really need those building blocks, so you actually learn the skills that you need to thrive in your relationships.”
So, what exactly are researchers worried about? The first issue is what experts call “relational displacement” – where teens end up swapping out real-life conversations for interactions with AI.
The researchers spoke to young people who cited examples ranging from seeking chatbot validation after arguments with partners, to using AI for homework help instead of reaching out to classmates or teachers.
But the authors warned that avoiding difficult discussions with friends, family members or romantic partners may limit opportunities to develop relationship skills that help protect against depression, anxiety and loneliness.
The second concern raised is what they termed “maladaptive relational learning”, which is where teenagers might develop unrealistic expectations about human relationships.
AI systems can provide immediate responses and consistent validation which researchers suggested might reinforce unhealthy ideas about relationships.
At the same time, teenagers may come to expect similar behaviour from their romantic partners, the authors warned, and over time this could reinforce unhealthy relationship patterns and increase vulnerability to rejection, violence and mental health problems.
Rather than discouraging AI use altogether, the authors want to see more research into how interactions with AI affect adolescent development over time.
Parents, meanwhile, can maintain open communication with tweens and teens who will very likely be using AI (one survey found three in 10 teens say they use AI chatbots daily).
It helps to stay curious and non-judgemental – ask them what they use it for, why they like or dislike it, and whether they know how to fact-check what AI tells them. Internet Matters recommends reinforcing in these conversations “that AI doesn’t have feelings or opinions, and some topics, like health or friendships, are always best talked through with an adult”.
It could be helpful to use AI together and show them how to use it responsibility, while also encouraging critical thinking.
Internet Matters recommended parents could say something like: “AI can be a great tool for learning and creativity, but it has limits. It’s not a substitute for your ideas, your voice or real relationships.”
Schools, communities and policymakers should also invest in relationship education, counselling services and opportunities for young people to discuss relationships openly, researchers noted.
“Supporting adolescent mental health will require ensuring that AI systems are used in ways that support relational learning,” they wrote, “while also protecting the real-world experiences through which young people learn to love and care for others.”
